Looking ahead.

For some reason, airplanes always make me nostalgic. I don’t know what it is, but looking out the window and seeing land and water pass beneath me, symbols of where I’ve been and where I’ve yet to go, puts things in perspective for me.

Recently I have taken up the habit of writing down the thoughts that bounce around in my head, and it really strikes me as interesting the random, yet consequential, things I think up.

So on my flight home from Berlin on Thursday, I found myself trying to categorize my experiences, and somehow make myself a better person as a result of them. This is what I came up with:

For the days leading up to my trip, I looked forward to it. I anticipated the flight, the people I would meet, the things I would learn, and the pictures I would take. I really just looked forward to the change of setting, one that was much needed and a long time coming. And before I knew it it was over. As I flew home, I began to look ahead to my next trips on schedule, one to Gainesville, Kentucky, New York, and eventually back to school. And it hit me: I do not know how to live my life without something to look forward to.

I understand that we all need something to get us through the day, but what is wrong with the simple anticipation of life? Just waking up in the morning. Having a cup of coffee. Doing what you love. Being with people who care about you. Being alive. I am not trying to say that I am no longer going to live my life by the weekends I get to do something out of the ordinary, because to say that would be hypocritical. I know now and in the future, I am always going to count down the days until something exciting happens in my life.

But this is my task for myself: To no longer live my life constantly looking at the clock, praying for the moments to pass more quickly, so that I can go somewhere or do something exciting that is only going to go by faster than it takes me to cherish the moment. But instead to teach myself to cherish every moment, even the everyday things, like eating dinner with my family or listening to a great song on the radio. Because life goes by fast enough, without an eternal countdown wishing and waiting for it to go by faster.

My mom and me before a Girl's Night Out.

Photo by Bill Bunning